Today

Well, today was a mission and a half to get through.
I'm not sure what I'm meant to say about everything that keeps getting fucked up.

Basically
I'm sorry I'm not everything you want,
I'm sorry I don't fight back,
I'm sorry I don't hit hard,
I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel like being mature,
I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel like being immature,
I'm sorry that I laugh when I shouldn't
I'm sorry that I whisper when I don't need to,
I'm sorry that I can't just up and leave.
But I'm not sorry I fell in love with you.

I was scared, but not that you would hurt me, that was either going to happen or it wasn't. I was scared about you, I was worried about you when you hit the floor.

There are a lot of things that I need to get over. There are a lot of trust issues I should probably deal with. There are things that I don't trust with you, even if I wish I could. I can't look at you and believe you like I used to, there is too much doubt, there is too much about you that I want to see as good but can't.
Somewhere in there, you are the most amazing person I have ever come across.

I love you for alll your flaws, but I'm realizing that it's not a first for both of us, and it never will be the same for you as it is me, no matter how I try.
I would do it all again.
You're the only person I want touching me. I swear.

xoxo