Well, today was a mission and a half to get through.
I'm not sure what I'm meant to say about everything that keeps getting fucked up.
Basically
I'm sorry I'm not everything you want,
I'm sorry I don't fight back,
I'm sorry I don't hit hard,
I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel like being mature,
I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel like being immature,
I'm sorry that I laugh when I shouldn't
I'm sorry that I whisper when I don't need to,
I'm sorry that I can't just up and leave.
But I'm not sorry I fell in love with you.
I was scared, but not that you would hurt me, that was either going to happen or it wasn't. I was scared about you, I was worried about you when you hit the floor.
There are a lot of things that I need to get over. There are a lot of trust issues I should probably deal with. There are things that I don't trust with you, even if I wish I could. I can't look at you and believe you like I used to, there is too much doubt, there is too much about you that I want to see as good but can't.
Somewhere in there, you are the most amazing person I have ever come across.
I love you for alll your flaws, but I'm realizing that it's not a first for both of us, and it never will be the same for you as it is me, no matter how I try.
I would do it all again.
You're the only person I want touching me. I swear.
xoxo
Stress Less Princess (:
- Ali Leah Grace
- A Mumma and a Lover, working towards a better self, on a journey to selflessness ❤️
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Fuck it's been awhile
Sitting in a different part of the country, figuring things out. Spending time with myself, and I discovered something.
There are different ways of loving people:
Love #1
A love you would give a friend, this person you would help during trials, but only to an extent that it would not mess with something you wanted for yourself, or something you valued more than their friendship.
This love is a product of supportive nature and can be used to describe the relationship between one and many people. This is often the love described between young couples and young friendships.
This love is not selfish or uncaring, it is however a love that does not overpower things that are most valued to you. This could be the least important kind of love as it can be lost without particular cause or feeling.
Love #2
Generally family and bestfriends, these are the people who are the ones who do not stand beside you by choice. They are people you feel like you are born with a bond to, your best friend can seemingly be more of a soulmate than anyone else can. They are there through trials and storms, they wouldn't leave your side through a bad day or a stupid decision, they wouldn't treaten to leave or make you chose between different happinesses. These can be described as the most valuable people, however also the most irritating as the love is not by chose, and is there no matter what. These relationships can feel much more like they are looking out for you all the time, rather than you ever doing anything for them, as the support is completely nuetral and comes naturally.
Love#3
This type of love is much simpler to define. I would jump off a bridge after you, I would stop you falling at any measure, I would do anything for you to be happy. This love is selfless, this love is kind, this love is something indescribable to anyone other than those who know it. This person is the person you would make changes for in yourself at will. This person is the one person who sees your imperfections and regards them as perfections, supports you in decisions, and holds you when you need it. They push you to be better, and remember important details.
This love is something imagined in fairytales, and something not yet perfected by us.
However how do you know the difference between falling in love, when you can fall out again, and loving truly? How do you know when or how to function when things start falling apart around you because you're completely crazed by a new feeling.
I have a decision to make, and I'm not sure how to make it.
I think there are people in your life that could start as one, become another and eventually become something completely new.
I thought I had felt everything I had needed to, I thought I had been prepared and dealt with everything. But today I realised that I am not prepared for everything and there are certain things that still make me crumble, and in that, I've decided.
Its definitely love#3
But then you have to tell someone that, and that, can be fucking terrifying.
There are different ways of loving people:
Love #1
A love you would give a friend, this person you would help during trials, but only to an extent that it would not mess with something you wanted for yourself, or something you valued more than their friendship.
This love is a product of supportive nature and can be used to describe the relationship between one and many people. This is often the love described between young couples and young friendships.
This love is not selfish or uncaring, it is however a love that does not overpower things that are most valued to you. This could be the least important kind of love as it can be lost without particular cause or feeling.
Love #2
Generally family and bestfriends, these are the people who are the ones who do not stand beside you by choice. They are people you feel like you are born with a bond to, your best friend can seemingly be more of a soulmate than anyone else can. They are there through trials and storms, they wouldn't leave your side through a bad day or a stupid decision, they wouldn't treaten to leave or make you chose between different happinesses. These can be described as the most valuable people, however also the most irritating as the love is not by chose, and is there no matter what. These relationships can feel much more like they are looking out for you all the time, rather than you ever doing anything for them, as the support is completely nuetral and comes naturally.
Love#3
This type of love is much simpler to define. I would jump off a bridge after you, I would stop you falling at any measure, I would do anything for you to be happy. This love is selfless, this love is kind, this love is something indescribable to anyone other than those who know it. This person is the person you would make changes for in yourself at will. This person is the one person who sees your imperfections and regards them as perfections, supports you in decisions, and holds you when you need it. They push you to be better, and remember important details.
This love is something imagined in fairytales, and something not yet perfected by us.
However how do you know the difference between falling in love, when you can fall out again, and loving truly? How do you know when or how to function when things start falling apart around you because you're completely crazed by a new feeling.
I have a decision to make, and I'm not sure how to make it.
I think there are people in your life that could start as one, become another and eventually become something completely new.
I thought I had felt everything I had needed to, I thought I had been prepared and dealt with everything. But today I realised that I am not prepared for everything and there are certain things that still make me crumble, and in that, I've decided.
Its definitely love#3
But then you have to tell someone that, and that, can be fucking terrifying.
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