Ryan Barrett

Honestly.
I woudn't do anything to hurt you. I'm not like those other girls, or the people you watch day by day. Don't judge me the way you judge them, or assume I will hurt you the way they have.
You're all I want, and all what I care about.
Please stay.
Just, give it a chance, and try..
I don't want you to change yourself for me, I want you to be happy.
But I want to be the one to make you happy...

Prospect of getting old

Well, the idea of getting old scares me :O
I'm freaking!

Moving on, Samuel Beckett inspires me :)
He's lovely, he writes about nothingness and potentially life.
He writes in circles about nothing and it's beautiful
It's a relaxing experience.

I love Cake, like a fat kid loves... Cake!

I must forgive myself the little things, I must realize that not everything is black and white, that there will always be shades of grey and no one can live in the light all the time.

You can be exactly what you want to be, as long as you inspire yourself to be so...

It is always time to move on, it is always time to carry on. It is never time to stop and wait, because you will never get anything done.

Princess/ Pepper

It's not all that great, growing up and finding yourself with new responsibilities, quite possible responsibilities you don't really understand.
You find it harder to find happiness, because you find it harder to believe, because you find it hard to trust. You find things harder to focus on, you find things more easily slip your mind.

Wrinkles are something you earn by being wise, by spending time.
But who wants to earn something we spend our entire lives despising?

I want to be happy
I want to be proud
I want to be great

Conflict of interests:
Happy, power
Intelligent, fun

There's always a problem in saying goodbye
It is only however impossible if you intend to never say hello again

Good night Princess.

Right.

Fuck this.
You don't deserve to be treated like shit. There is no one in this world that deserves more than you do. You care and you try. You're beautiful, and you're everything I've ever wanted. You're all I want to touch and all I want to feel. There are moments at which I want to strangle you, and moments that I'd like to hold you and never let go.
I will protect you, and I will do whtever I have to for you to be safe. I will give up whatever to see you happy. I will live in whatever fashion or neighbourhood to be with you forever.
I will never forget the blushing, I will never lose the butterflies. You're in every thought I have, and I don't ever want to feel like I don't know that you're okay.
I'm learning to handle things differently, you make me a better person. You saved me from falling a long way, and you held me when I needed it. You were my shoulder, my bridge and my rock.
I could never ask for anything more in anyone than what I find in you.

I FUCKING wish that someone actually had the guts to say something like that.
I wish people could just say how they felt.
I wish people could just be FUCKING honest.
Honest
Loyal
Kind
Caring
but no, we're too fucking selfish for that. Aren't we such a beautiful race?

Circles and shit

Some people have little tight-knit circles that only surround their closest family. These people tend to be over protective, and don't have the ease in understanding or offering advice to friends. This isn't a bad thing, it's just proving that generation by generation we're becoming more selfish.
There are people who have slightly wider circles, involving close friends and family. They tend to be thoughful, slightly more accepting.
Then there are brilliant people, who accept people in the whatever state, to the best of their abilities. These are rare people, and they shouldn't be rare.
There is something about us that is just selfish, child-like almost.
As though, as we come to ignore our parents lessons, we learn to be selfish, think for ourselves, fend for ourselves and be only for ourselves.
Rarely you will find a person who will help whoever, whenever. And that offer support to people they barely know.
Maybe it is a lesson we should all learn, to know that there is nothing better than the feeling in helping someone we care about selflessly.
Everybody craves love and affection, but the love and affection gained from caring for people you love, should be far more than that craving for teenage drama.
If morals were remembered by our generation, and if everyone realised that maybe we could better society ourselves, maybe we'd get somewhere. But then, we're all too selfish for that, aren't we?

Today

Well, today was a mission and a half to get through.
I'm not sure what I'm meant to say about everything that keeps getting fucked up.

Basically
I'm sorry I'm not everything you want,
I'm sorry I don't fight back,
I'm sorry I don't hit hard,
I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel like being mature,
I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel like being immature,
I'm sorry that I laugh when I shouldn't
I'm sorry that I whisper when I don't need to,
I'm sorry that I can't just up and leave.
But I'm not sorry I fell in love with you.

I was scared, but not that you would hurt me, that was either going to happen or it wasn't. I was scared about you, I was worried about you when you hit the floor.

There are a lot of things that I need to get over. There are a lot of trust issues I should probably deal with. There are things that I don't trust with you, even if I wish I could. I can't look at you and believe you like I used to, there is too much doubt, there is too much about you that I want to see as good but can't.
Somewhere in there, you are the most amazing person I have ever come across.

I love you for alll your flaws, but I'm realizing that it's not a first for both of us, and it never will be the same for you as it is me, no matter how I try.
I would do it all again.
You're the only person I want touching me. I swear.

xoxo

Fuck it's been awhile

Sitting in a different part of the country, figuring things out. Spending time with myself, and I discovered something.

There are different ways of loving people:
Love #1
A love you would give a friend, this person you would help during trials, but only to an extent that it would not mess with something you wanted for yourself, or something you valued more than their friendship.
This love is a product of supportive nature and can be used to describe the relationship between one and many people. This is often the love described between young couples and young friendships.
This love is not selfish or uncaring, it is however a love that does not overpower things that are most valued to you. This could be the least important kind of love as it can be lost without particular cause or feeling.

Love #2
Generally family and bestfriends, these are the people who are the ones who do not stand beside you by choice. They are people you feel like you are born with a bond to, your best friend can seemingly be more of a soulmate than anyone else can. They are there through trials and storms, they wouldn't leave your side through a bad day or a stupid decision, they wouldn't treaten to leave or make you chose between different happinesses. These can be described as the most valuable people, however also the most irritating as the love is not by chose, and is there no matter what. These relationships can feel much more like they are looking out for you all the time, rather than you ever doing anything for them, as the support is completely nuetral and comes naturally.

Love#3
This type of love is much simpler to define. I would jump off a bridge after you, I would stop you falling at any measure, I would do anything for you to be happy. This love is selfless, this love is kind, this love is something indescribable to anyone other than those who know it. This person is the person you would make changes for in yourself at will. This person is the one person who sees your imperfections and regards them as perfections, supports you in decisions, and holds you when you need it. They push you to be better, and remember important details.
This love is something imagined in fairytales, and something not yet perfected by us.

However how do you know the difference between falling in love, when you can fall out again, and loving truly? How do you know when or how to function when things start falling apart around you because you're completely crazed by a new feeling.

I have a decision to make, and I'm not sure how to make it.
I think there are people in your life that could start as one, become another and eventually become something completely new.
I thought I had felt everything I had needed to, I thought I had been prepared and dealt with everything. But today I realised that I am not prepared for everything and there are certain things that still make me crumble, and in that, I've decided.

Its definitely love#3
But then you have to tell someone that, and that, can be fucking terrifying.

R.B and A.B (look we almost match)

So there have been huge fuck ups a long an extremely bumpy roads and it seems like often enough there have been some storms hitting us full frontal.

Quite simply put, I adore you. And now I know you know this is all yours.
I'm quite sure I've always adored you.
Since this started that many years ago... I wanted you to be mine and pretty much forever kind of mine, not just sometimes.

I honestly don't think about the things I do sometimes, and I know you know this. But this is me apologising for those moments. I also want to say thank you, for putting up with the immature, growing up, changing me, not just when I'm happy and easy to get along with.

Unlike many of the people in my life, you have always been there, not always by choice, but you've always been there and you've never let me fall too far, and I appreciate that. I wish you knew how much I do appreciate the changes you've made and the things you've dropped for me. Not everything has been extremely powerful with us, but the little things make you as amazing as you are.

So sometimes your intimidating because I don't feel like I could live up to who it seems like you deserve, sometimes your painfully irritating, sometimes you're my main distraction. But that's how we are, and it will (almost) never be a problem.

I know we've argued about the way I am sometimes, but I'm being honest when I say, no more drinking, no more irresponsible friends. More being careful, more caring, less daring.

I love you, pitifully, pathetically, fall-apartishly, completely. You're fabulous.